When I reflect back on those first few months of their life, it's easy to get mad. Mad that I didn't get to see them right after birth. Mad that I didn't get to hold them for days and weeks. Mad that I didn't know I could kiss them until a nurse did first. Mad that I was robbed of breastfeeding and bonding and sleep deprivation on my own terms.
But even then, I wasn't ever really mad. Because I had peace. Trust me, I had a LOT of fear. But I also had a lot of peace. That even though their entrance into this life was in no way conventional or sound, it was still PLANNED. They were sent by God three months early to us, but exactly on time to Him. Nurses or friends would say, "It's okay that...fill in the blank... because they're not supposed to be here." And I would smile and nod, but inside I would think, "They are exactly where they are SUPPOSED to be."
And six years and two siblings later...they still are.
